Words can have a bigger impact than most people understand. Is your voice used for good?
People have asked me in the past, “how can a plus size girl be fashionable? How do you find clothes in your size and do you actually choose or grab whatever it fits?”
Yes, those were real life questions I had to deal with and in a way I still do. They would pay attention at was I was wearing and would use my fashion statement against me, like an inverted armor that fights me from the inside out. They would notice little things, such as the layers I love to wear or big coats and they would mention things like “Oh, I see you follow these rules, because you try to hide your body. Good job!” They would alter something so innocent to something with a malicious intent. It didn’t matter they were making an “effort” to be nice; Their words cut deeply.
I am not going to lie, at the time, it was insulting, distasteful, I felt that my personal space was invaded and I was mocked. At first, I experienced anger and I found myself taking a defensive mode, like I was compelled to answer to the ridiculousness and the ridicule. It took me a long time, I spent a lot of it arguing and building walls, but in the end I followed what my mama taught me instead and raised above it. You see, when you allow people to have such a strong hold of you, even though it’s only by words, you eventually lose energy and are filled with all the negative energy afterwards. I took my path and instead, I decided to educate them. It felt liberating to me that I could do something actively, other than constantly defending myself and feeling numb or empty. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t say that you shouldn’t fight against those remarks. I am saying that for me, I wanted to make an impact in a different way. Through my words and my point of view, I wish to be an advocate for all those that have no voice, or they are too tired to fight, because I have been there. Out of necessity I had to change and adapt. I can only hope that I will become someone that can make a difference. It wasn’t easy and I still fail to follow my own rules many times, but for me it’s worth it.
The change has to be all of us, one person at a time and truthfully it is of extreme importance. So, here is a little life lesson for everyone that thinks it’s ok to ask questions like these. Think before you ask. Ask yourself are you truly trying to find an answer or are you aiming to deliberately hurt the person you’re about to ask? I can stand tall and I can clap back with a smile on my face, but what happens when you ask these questions to a 13 year old child that cannot fight back? How about the young person with an actual medical condition? Or someone that has been prescribed medicine for his mental health and one of the side effects are weight gain? Be a human and strive to be humane. Look past the body, the scars, the outside. We are so much more. Why such a need to stay on the surface? Maybe you should reflect and figure out why you react that way. What is the root of it all? Are you being a bully or just insensitive? Sometimes, we voice things, that we do not realize that can inflict pain. It might not be physical, but it still tangible. But, most importantly, if you find yourself guilty of anything like this, would you change your ways?
My winter look is a part of me that in the past I would hide. I would allow the people behind the questions to guide me through a cave of darkness and hide from the world. But, my look is ever evolving, alongside my mindset and my attitude. Besides, it would be so boring to stay the same. I love black clothes, not because they might make me look thinner, but because the lack of light reflecting on my clothes is appealing to me. I enjoy layers and scarfs, because as an artist I love complex, minimalism was never my strong suit; not because I am hiding something or behind them. I adore pictures, the concept fascinates me, a tiny moment locked forever as a memory you can always return to. I enjoy taking pictures and I take pride in being in them. My purses are my passion. Ssshhh, don’t ask how many I own! But, I don’t like them because they take away from the “problem” area, they enhance all my curves and all of me. There, I said it. I am not going to apologize for what I like and what I don’t. There is not an underlying reason and I joyfully don’t follow rules, I am being me and you should to. Here are some pictures that a plus size girl happily took in the snow, as her winter look, not caring about your rules. Hair flying everywhere, lovely coat and boots and a gorgeous Steve Madden purse, while wearing a scarf she repurposed and Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses. Bonus points for the scarf and the sweater that are the softest thing in the world! I promised you a winter look from a positive point of view. I am not perfect, nor I strive to be. These pictures were taken with a positve mindset and that is what makes a difference. That is the way I will fight against mean remarks and efforts to bring me down. With a smile, one day at a time.Pin here:
Kallia
Your Winter look is so chic!!!
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Thank you so much!
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Girl you look incredible! Chic and practical for the snow. (Practical is always important ha ha!) You look amazing.
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Haha exactly! Thank you!
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I agree, you should never have to apologize for what you like. By the way your scarf is amazing.
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Thank you!!
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People sometimes project their own insecurities to others so don’t take such comments personally. You know yourself and that is all that matters.
Btw, you look gorgeous!
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Thank you for your sweet words!
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People don’t understand the gravity of the words that they say. It’s hurtful and I’m sorry you go through that often. I think your outfit is awesome and I love the comfy + stylish combination.
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Thank you very much!
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I totally understand your sentiments. I mean some people may not have the intent to hurt, while some can be really rude. I like the way you look at things in a positive light. We need more people like you! I so love your winter look too. It is so chic and you totally rocked the entire ensemble!
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Thank you so much for your comment! ππ
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How dare they, you always look fabulous darling, no matter the season.
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Thank you hun!
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Really amazing, the way you have written. And just want to know what is that black thing in 3rd last pic? BTW, You look cool and sounds cool. Pun absolutely intended. I know bad. In my defense, I am not funny.
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No, I laughed out loud! Pubs are my favorite!! Are you talking about my boots and purse pic? Thank you for your sweet comment!
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Loving this winter look! I live for a trendy but also a comfortable look!
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Your outfit looks so chic I really liked your handbag though. Perfect outfit for winters.
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Thank you!
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It’s surprising how we don’t realize the power our words have, isn’t it? Ah well. As long as we know ourselves we should not let other people pull us down. PS: You look so chic! My winter look is just piles and piles of jackets and scarves lol.
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Thank you! Oh I have those piles too haha
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I love your attitude and your mindset. I wish I could stop myself from calling me fat.
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No, you are beautiful! Embrace all your curves!!
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Oh gosh it angers me that people speak without thinking, you look absolutely amazing and I love your blog!
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Thanks sweetie!
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People just go with the flow of words and rather don’t think before and after speaking. That’s where they fail to do justice. I love that you got over all those hurting words and still style yourself. Loved your winter dress up!
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Thank you!
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You have a lovely winter look. Quite similar to mine. I love a comfy / chunky scarf and long jumper with leggings lol. I love your boots too. I’m looking for comfy boots to fit my calfs. I’m also plus size and can resonate with you. Thanks for sharing!
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I usually look for wide calf and usually they fit! Always a struggle none the less! Thank you!
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Your winter look is so lovely!I especially love scarves. I had the same problem as you where people would criticize me for my tall and being petite…but now, I dress until they’re like, ‘this is it!’ Looking awesome!
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Amen!!! Keep it up!
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I completely understand. People don’t always understand how hurtful their words can be. You look stunning!
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Thank you so much!!!
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Sometimes, it is hard for me to believe the words that come out of other people’s mouths! I try to remember that it is because people like that are deeply insecure about themselves. By the way. I love your outfit! I wear a lot of black as well. It is such a beautiful and versatile color!
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Thank you so much!
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So many insensitive comments around these days. I find it tiring to respond back to everyone who thinks it is ok to be rude.
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You look stunning girl! Well, it’s scorching summer here so just the look of your winter pictures makes me feel so much better! π
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Those are such cruel thoughts and negative energy put out by other people. It’s good that you are fighting back against that. I suppose maybe the comments could have come from people who are plus sized as well, and then they would be looking up to you as a role model. But from anyone else, I don’t see how they can be anything but demeaning. You do look amazing!
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Thank you very much for your kind words!
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I just love this styling…You are wonderful π You are an inspiration for others..keep fighting keep rising…
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Your winter look is gorgeous. Forget what people think. I’ve learned that hurt people hurt people. Compassion for those who are constantly mean, it simply means they lack love in their lives and are miserable.
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I donβt understabd how people can ask these sorts of questions and think itβs ok?! You are totally rocking that outfit, and Iβm loving your mindset.
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Oh my goodness people are ao ridiculous sometimes and I’m so sorry that you even had to experience that. Shame on them because look at you now! You are absolutely beautiful, both inside your soul and in these outfits that you knock outta the park!! I’m smiling huge for you for taking a stand and staying true to yourself. Great post! β€
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You rock it girl! I am rather heavy too, but not curvaceous. But know of heavy set women who have all the right curves. And you got it all. Keep it up! π You are inspiring. π
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